02 April, 2006
just staring at the computer screen thinking abt everything and nothing at once. its really a wierd feeling. like really pondering and thinking deep, thought-provoking thoughts, but if anyone asked me to name it i wouldnt be able to.

does it happen to everyone else. i wonder.

much as i feel wierd saying this. its actually everyone's blogs that keep my mind intellectually active. im not sure how to say this coz my store of vocab is really lacking, but i envy how everyone seems to have thought so carefully abt stuff that happens to them. im not really sure whether i do tt. anyway even if i do im not able to organize them as well as i know some pple can.

thats why sometimes im quite amazed at the ease pple seem to have in voicing out their thoughts (and i realize its the pple who have the tendency to talk to themselves that are really good at this). i realize the agony of most teenagers these days is that they are not able to dictate their own moods. or say wad passes through their brains. its hair-wrenching-frustrating for me actually. but most times, i just cant be bothered enough to do anything abt it other than gripe abt it here. call me lazy. i ignore wad i dont know wad to do abt.

sometimes. i really hate the way i am. some pple tell me that i have my own way of thinking and drawing, i have my own unique style, but issit really so. i dont know. actually i find it much easier to draw my thoughts out, to doodle and scrape and splash paint all over the place, than to type out all these generic, cliched words in random pattern here and try to make some sense outta it. wad pple call "unique style", i just see it as stubborness to do and get wad u want even though the whole world is against it. and wads so good with that?
sometimes im surprised and rather turned off by my superficiality and lack of deep, individual conscious thought. like a bimbo, cept im not pretty. pretending everything's alright and ignoring stuff i dun wna think abt and concerning myself only with things that are trivial and such.

now dont u feel disgusted of me too.
thats wad i mean.

thats why i feel i can really connect with pple who feel not-that-confident of themselves. they might look like devil-may-care and dao and stuff but really are nice pple who have their own very lovable traits.

and im not even sure im capable of that.



anyway, on a lighter note, i was walking home one night and i just managed to spot four veryvery young kittens in the drain! they were so cute and absolutely adorable i felt like i was the luckiest person arnd to have seen them, coz it was quite dark and not many pple would have noticed.

think big-eyed, tiny ball of fluff with cute pointy ears, and multiply it by FOUR!


note: the eyes are like that becoz of the incredibly huge flash the camera made. haha the kittens dint even know wad a flash is so they were quite curious of this light-making-thing, and kept coming back to see.THERE ARE TWO MORE OF THEM INSIDE! =)

after ive been there for a while taking pics of them and stroking their mum(a brown tabby) and dad(which was black), they got sleepy and went back into the drain to curl up and sleep. it was probably safer there too.



4:17 pm*